Goatees Are Evil and Spock Is A Badass

A new face of evil emerged in Star Trek episode #33, when Captain Kirk and the others were transported to a mirror universe. In this parallel dimension the Federation was an evil empire called the Terran Empire, a group out to conquer the universe rather than unite it. Terran Officers gained rank by assassination and the uniforms were silk and generally more revealing. The biggest shocker of the episode wasn't an evil Chekov's assassination attempt on Kirk-- it was the reveal of the evil version of Mr. Spock.

Kirk and his landing party attempt to beam up during an ion storm. After arriving in the transporters they step off to find, of all things, evil versions of the crew. Most importantly, they come face to face with a bearded Spock who promptly gives a very Heil Hitler-like salute. Spock is sporting the most badass goatee ever, which can only mean one thing: THAT HE IS EVIL. Do you know who else has a goatee? Satan. ["You're damn right" - Charlie]

During the previous 32 episodes Spock proved, time and again, that he was the most badass being in the universe, with Kirk coming in a distant second. They had to go to a whole other universe to find anyone that came close to Spock's badass ways and when they finally do it's another version of him. An evil one.

In the years since goatee's have become synonymous with evil, but Spock is the one who truly made it look good. After all, it is only logical.

THAT was badass.

See video here.

Bane Takes Bricks To the FACE!

Special thanks to Gail Simone for giving us a quote about today's Great Moment in Badass History.

Bane, the man who broke the Batman, proves his resolve via bricks to the face. In issue number five of Secret Six, Bane is put to the test by the DCU's newest psychopath, Junior. In one single scene Bane is returned to the badass he was always meant to be.



Bane is chained up and given the simple choice between dying or giving up his team mates so they can die.

"They die or you die?" Bane is asked by Junior, one of the creepiest villains EVER. Each time he is asked another brick is thrown at his face.

Junior keeps a morbid countdown on the number of bricks that are left to be thrown.

Bane responds, "I die. I choose that I die." Then after a brief pause,"I believe your count was five hundred and six?"

"Bane was created to be a badass, but somewhere along the line he lost his way," says writer Gail Simone when asked to comment on Bane's badassedness. "Having him tell Junior the correct count of the number of bricks left to be thrown is one of my favorite Six moments of all time."

Ours too Gail. Ours too.

Did we mention that Bane even managed to get one arm loose during all of this to kill a guy?

THAT was badass.

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Batman Pulls The Carbonite Maneuver

Finally, it's Bruce Wayne's turn for Great Moments in Badass History. With over seventy years of badass moments to choose from this one was not easy. But in issue number 13 of Superman/Batman, Darkseid gets punked. Not by the invulnerable Superman or the super-powered Amazon Wonder Woman, but by the mere human Batman. Yes, that's right: Batman punked a GOD.

Darkseid  kidnapped the new Supergirl and planned to brainwash her to make her an agent of Apokolips. 
Armed with Mother Box technology and the sweetest armor ever, Batman takes on the all powerful God of Apokolips.

While Batman takes his beating he informs Darkseid that he has armed five hundred hellspores and plans to detonate them unless Darkseid surrenders. And guess what? Darkseid believes him and does just that.

Darkseid explains that, "Had the Kryptonian or the Amazon taken this gamble they would have lost. They do not have the strength of character it would take to destroy an entire planet to achieve success. But...you. A human..."

Was Batman bluffing? Who knows but one thing is for sure...

THAT was badass.

Yippee Ki Yay, Mother Fucker!

 Mr. Yippee Ki Yay himself, Bruce Willis. Narrowing down this man's badass moments to one is extremely difficult. His best known role is that of Supercop John McClane.

Anytime John McClane says the words, Yippee Ki Yay, Mother Fucker something badass is about to happen, or has just happened.

My personal favorite is from the most recent installment of the Diehard franchise, 2007's: Live Free Or Diehard.

The villain of the piece, Thomas Gabriel, has his arm around McClane's neck and a gun to his head. Things look BAD. In an effort to taunt the supercop, Gabriel sticks the barrel of the gun into a bullet wound in McClane's shoulder and presses down.

Gabriel says, "On your tombstone, it should read: 'Always at the wrong place at the wrong time.'"

McClane responds, "How about... yippee ki yay, mother fucker?!" Then he grabs onto the gun and fires it THROUGH himself, therefore killing Gabriel.

THAT was badass.



Yippee Ki Yay Mother Fucker Montage here

I Made You Eat Your Parents

"Do you like it Scott? Do you? I call it Mr. and Mrs. Tenormen chili."

In episode Sixty-Nine of South Park, Cartman is tricked into buying pubes from an older kid named Scott Tenormen. Cartman exacts his revenge in the most logical way; by tricking the older kid into eating his own parents.

After several attempts to regain his money Cartman is fed up. With no help from his friends and at the end of his rope, Cartman sets his evil plan into motion.

Through a very calculated series of events, Cartman arranges a chili cook off. The secret ingredient in Cartman's chili? The dead bodies of Scott's parents. Cartman had plotted to get them caught trespassing and thus shot to death by a hillbilly farmer. He then stole the bodies and spent the entire night sawing them into tiny bite size chunks.

To add insult to injury Cartman also arranged for Radiohead (Scott's favorite band) to be on location for this heinous act.

The sweet taste of revenge just isn't enough for Cartman so he follows up by licking the tears from Scott's face.

THAT was badass.


See video here.

Doc Holidays got two guns...one for the each of ya.

One of Val Kilmer's best performances was in the 1993 film Tombstone. His portrayal of the diseased gun-fighting psycho Doc Holiday makes me wish I were alive during the Old West.

Doc stumbles out of the bar and into a standoff on the street with his gun aimed at a gentlemen he had been talking to inside.

The guy says, "The drunk piano player, he's so drunk he's probably seeing double."

At which time Doc pulls a second gun, and aims it at him as well.

He replies, "I got two guns, one for the each of you."

THAT was badass.

See the video clip here.