The Doctor Will See You Now

                                   I finally got around to Doctor Who this year after several arguably aggressive recommendations from a dear friend. Before I started watching I did a little research about the show. If this were another blog I would spend several paragraphs explaining how the show was on for decades, and then canceled for a long time and now it's on again but I won't. In this blog you only need to know that the Doctor is a Timelord from the planet Gallifrey in the Kasterborous Constellation and he is a badass eleven times over.

              2013 will mark the Fiftieth anniversary of show so picking a single badass moment is not simple. I thought over and picked one arbitrarily from the most recent series. If you haven't seen it you should.

                      A mysterious organazation kidnapped the Doctor's friend Amy. To get her back The Doctor and Amy's husband Rory have just punked an entire army and taken control of a military complex that's floating somewhere in space thousands of years from now. Finally sitting across from one of the main offenders the Doctor is pissed. The delivery of what the Doctor says to Colonel Manton is amazing. The text is below and the YouTube link is even more below.

                                         
               “I want you to tell your men "run away."Those words. "Run away." I want you to be famous for those exact words. I want people to call you Colonel Runaway. I want children laughing outside your door, 'cause they've found the house of Colonel Runaway. And when people come to you and ask if trying to get to me through the people I love is in any way a good idea, I want you to tell them your name. Look, I'm angry, that's new. I'm not really sure what's going to happen now."

                             http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUZ50cAk_Lk


                                          THAT was badass.



It Ain't Easy Having Pals

I am not going to explain this whole movie to get to the most badass part. All you really need to know is that Emilio Estevez gave the performance of a lifetime as William H. Bonney a.ka. Billy the Kid and proves he is truly the superior of Martin's boys.

In this wildly acurate bio film about the outlaw Billy the Kid the badass level is dialed up to ten. Everything about it is badass so it should not be a surprise that it would show up here.

In the climax of the film Billy the Kid and his "pals" are holed up in a burning house with the full might of FBI and the National Guard coming down on them. Do they retreat? Do they cry? No. Fuck no. They have the most balls out gunfight ever.

At one point Billy spots someone he recognizes outside. And has the following exchange.



Billy: "Hey, Peppin. I see you got Charley Crawford down there with you."


Peppin: "Yeah, that's right, Bonney. We got a whole - "

At this point Billy aims his gun out through the window and shoots Charley Crawford.

Billy: "Hey, Peppin. Charley Crawford's not with you anymore."

Poor Charley Crawford. Billy killed him for a luagh.

That's not even the most badass part of this movie. Spoiler alert: They get away, well most of them do.

See the final battle below.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFF-oMkEsBw

THAT was badass.

The People's Badass



There I was, dawdling about on Facebook minding my own business. Totally ignorant to the mind blowing that was about to befall me. I see a link to a video with the Rock appearing on Monday Night Raw. Now, I haven't given two shits about wrestling for years, but I clicked anyways because it's The Rock.The People's Champion,The Brahma Bull, The Most Electrifying Man in Alllll of Sports Entertainment. Let's not forget this is the man who made the elbow drop, the most lame finishing move ever, entertaining.

As I watched this clip a truly Great Moment In Badass History unfolded before my unsuspecting eyes. As I said, I have not cared to pay attention to the WWE for years. So, I was not privy to what happened on the most legendary Valentines Day ever. An announcer comes out to introduce the surprise guest and the host of Wrestlemania.The lights go down. The music hits as the lights go up. The Rock is standing at the end of the walkway.

The Brahma Bull makes his way to the ring. Once, the mic is in his hands the magic happens.

In the span of about ten minutes every catch phrase we know and love flows from Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson in a gleeful display of badassery announcing that he is returning to wrestling full time. If  that wasn't enough The Rock chooses John Cena as his first target. He compares Steve Austin's and his own catchphrases to John Cena's "You can't see me." then proceeds to mock the shit out of Cena.

THAT WAS BADASS.

NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN

 

                       I was doing some research(and by research I mean that I was on Youtube) and found that many of the clips posted for Inglorious Basterds had been flagged. The stated reason for said flagging is content. I tried to think of sex scenes in the film and came up empty. Naturally, my mind went next to conspiracy. A theory I quickly dropped when I realized I wanted to believe a different one. The obvious reason. Those clips are so badass they could have broken the internet.

I like this theory and as far as I'm concerned it is the most plausible. I have read about WWII  and watched documentaries and films before. None of that prepared me for the amazing truths in the Quentin Tarintino film. For the rest of my life if someone asks me how Hitler died. My answer would be, "the bear jew killed him."

In this weeks Great Moment in Badass History I would like to point to the interrogation scene in this film. I can feel the dread of the German soldier as Eli Roth slowly emerges from the tunnel in that scene. After all the build up we finally meet him. "The Bear Jew." The stuff legends are made of.The man that Nazis have nightmares about.Think about that. The nightmare of a Nazi. The Bear Jew is revealed weilding nothing but a  baseball bat. The dread felt by the German Soldier is well placed. To put it simply, the Bear Jew is not kind.

The one clip I could find has a strange fuzzy noise in the back ground. I can only speculate that it is the very bitter ghost of Hitler cursing the Inglorious Basterds for ending the war and killing the fuck out of him. Enjoy!

                                                                                   

THAT was badass.

Doug Wilson, City Councilman,Accountant, Badass

I could easily write all night about how much I love the television show Weeds. Instead, I want to talk about Kevin Nealon's character Doug Wilson. Spoilers---You've been warned.

Doug Wilson may play the clown but he is without a doubt worthy of the title, Badass. This man crushes his enemies. He is also responsible for delivering lines like this: "It's like Amsterdam, only you don't have to visit the Anne Frank House and pretend to be all sad and shit."

If that's not badass enough, he also said this:"Nobody likes your wife, you don't even like her. I could stand up on that podium tomorrow night and take a shit on one of those Make A Wish cancer kids, and people still vote for me. 'Cause they hate your wife...and I'm likable."



My all time personal favorite Doug Wilson being a badass moment is one I really can't describe without ruining the moment. I have attached the clip for your viewing pleasure. NOT safe for work, or children



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJEj_I38kLA

THAT was badass.

"Brock, why are you Naked?"

A super scientist needs a good body guard. Dr. Rusty Venture hit the badass jackpot when Brock Samson was assigned to protect him by the Office of Secret Intelligence.

Brock is a super-agent with a license to kill and the man has no qualms about using it. His death toll is obscene and continues to rise every time his eye twitches. All across the Venture universe his very name is cause for fear.



So what has he done that is so badass? In one episode he broke a guy's hand...with his ass. On another occasion he killed a man in the mall with a caulking gun. He has bested crocodiles, bears,a moving car, a bionic man, a flaming skeleton and the list goes on and on. 

In the Season Two episode Victor. Echo. November. Brock appears in Dr. Venture's room covered in blood, nude and carrying a knife in one hand and a human head in the other.

Dr. Venture asked him, "Why are you naked?" ( Brock is covered in blood so often that it has no effect on his boss.)

Brock replies, "To feed on their fears...to move like an animal to feel the kill."
 
THAT was badass.

See video here.

Goatees Are Evil and Spock Is A Badass

A new face of evil emerged in Star Trek episode #33, when Captain Kirk and the others were transported to a mirror universe. In this parallel dimension the Federation was an evil empire called the Terran Empire, a group out to conquer the universe rather than unite it. Terran Officers gained rank by assassination and the uniforms were silk and generally more revealing. The biggest shocker of the episode wasn't an evil Chekov's assassination attempt on Kirk-- it was the reveal of the evil version of Mr. Spock.

Kirk and his landing party attempt to beam up during an ion storm. After arriving in the transporters they step off to find, of all things, evil versions of the crew. Most importantly, they come face to face with a bearded Spock who promptly gives a very Heil Hitler-like salute. Spock is sporting the most badass goatee ever, which can only mean one thing: THAT HE IS EVIL. Do you know who else has a goatee? Satan. ["You're damn right" - Charlie]

During the previous 32 episodes Spock proved, time and again, that he was the most badass being in the universe, with Kirk coming in a distant second. They had to go to a whole other universe to find anyone that came close to Spock's badass ways and when they finally do it's another version of him. An evil one.

In the years since goatee's have become synonymous with evil, but Spock is the one who truly made it look good. After all, it is only logical.

THAT was badass.

See video here.

Bane Takes Bricks To the FACE!

Special thanks to Gail Simone for giving us a quote about today's Great Moment in Badass History.

Bane, the man who broke the Batman, proves his resolve via bricks to the face. In issue number five of Secret Six, Bane is put to the test by the DCU's newest psychopath, Junior. In one single scene Bane is returned to the badass he was always meant to be.



Bane is chained up and given the simple choice between dying or giving up his team mates so they can die.

"They die or you die?" Bane is asked by Junior, one of the creepiest villains EVER. Each time he is asked another brick is thrown at his face.

Junior keeps a morbid countdown on the number of bricks that are left to be thrown.

Bane responds, "I die. I choose that I die." Then after a brief pause,"I believe your count was five hundred and six?"

"Bane was created to be a badass, but somewhere along the line he lost his way," says writer Gail Simone when asked to comment on Bane's badassedness. "Having him tell Junior the correct count of the number of bricks left to be thrown is one of my favorite Six moments of all time."

Ours too Gail. Ours too.

Did we mention that Bane even managed to get one arm loose during all of this to kill a guy?

THAT was badass.

Be sure to visit the below link and check out the Hero Initiative store on Amazon.

The Hero Initiative creates a financial safety net for comic creators who may need emergency medical aid, financial support for essentials of life, and an avenue back into paying work. It's a chance for all of us to give back something to the people who have given us so much enjoyment.

Hero Initiative Auctions on Amazon

Batman Pulls The Carbonite Maneuver

Finally, it's Bruce Wayne's turn for Great Moments in Badass History. With over seventy years of badass moments to choose from this one was not easy. But in issue number 13 of Superman/Batman, Darkseid gets punked. Not by the invulnerable Superman or the super-powered Amazon Wonder Woman, but by the mere human Batman. Yes, that's right: Batman punked a GOD.

Darkseid  kidnapped the new Supergirl and planned to brainwash her to make her an agent of Apokolips. 
Armed with Mother Box technology and the sweetest armor ever, Batman takes on the all powerful God of Apokolips.

While Batman takes his beating he informs Darkseid that he has armed five hundred hellspores and plans to detonate them unless Darkseid surrenders. And guess what? Darkseid believes him and does just that.

Darkseid explains that, "Had the Kryptonian or the Amazon taken this gamble they would have lost. They do not have the strength of character it would take to destroy an entire planet to achieve success. But...you. A human..."

Was Batman bluffing? Who knows but one thing is for sure...

THAT was badass.

Yippee Ki Yay, Mother Fucker!

 Mr. Yippee Ki Yay himself, Bruce Willis. Narrowing down this man's badass moments to one is extremely difficult. His best known role is that of Supercop John McClane.

Anytime John McClane says the words, Yippee Ki Yay, Mother Fucker something badass is about to happen, or has just happened.

My personal favorite is from the most recent installment of the Diehard franchise, 2007's: Live Free Or Diehard.

The villain of the piece, Thomas Gabriel, has his arm around McClane's neck and a gun to his head. Things look BAD. In an effort to taunt the supercop, Gabriel sticks the barrel of the gun into a bullet wound in McClane's shoulder and presses down.

Gabriel says, "On your tombstone, it should read: 'Always at the wrong place at the wrong time.'"

McClane responds, "How about... yippee ki yay, mother fucker?!" Then he grabs onto the gun and fires it THROUGH himself, therefore killing Gabriel.

THAT was badass.



Yippee Ki Yay Mother Fucker Montage here

I Made You Eat Your Parents

"Do you like it Scott? Do you? I call it Mr. and Mrs. Tenormen chili."

In episode Sixty-Nine of South Park, Cartman is tricked into buying pubes from an older kid named Scott Tenormen. Cartman exacts his revenge in the most logical way; by tricking the older kid into eating his own parents.

After several attempts to regain his money Cartman is fed up. With no help from his friends and at the end of his rope, Cartman sets his evil plan into motion.

Through a very calculated series of events, Cartman arranges a chili cook off. The secret ingredient in Cartman's chili? The dead bodies of Scott's parents. Cartman had plotted to get them caught trespassing and thus shot to death by a hillbilly farmer. He then stole the bodies and spent the entire night sawing them into tiny bite size chunks.

To add insult to injury Cartman also arranged for Radiohead (Scott's favorite band) to be on location for this heinous act.

The sweet taste of revenge just isn't enough for Cartman so he follows up by licking the tears from Scott's face.

THAT was badass.


See video here.

Doc Holidays got two guns...one for the each of ya.

One of Val Kilmer's best performances was in the 1993 film Tombstone. His portrayal of the diseased gun-fighting psycho Doc Holiday makes me wish I were alive during the Old West.

Doc stumbles out of the bar and into a standoff on the street with his gun aimed at a gentlemen he had been talking to inside.

The guy says, "The drunk piano player, he's so drunk he's probably seeing double."

At which time Doc pulls a second gun, and aims it at him as well.

He replies, "I got two guns, one for the each of you."

THAT was badass.

See the video clip here.